The Survivors

The In-tents Massacre
Saxon's Journal- Stardate 66780.1

After many days of travel, following the mystical enclave compass orb has come to some sort of fruition. When near the coast, our motley crew, having recently been abandoned at a rather critical time by Kita, who seems to do that sort of thing a lot, chanced upon a party of travelling companions that we recognized from the visions showed to us. These folk were acting very suspiciously and were obviously those indicated as our targets. When they fled without engaging in any conversation despite our having given no indication of hostile intent, we naturally tracked them through the woods till they made encampment at nightfall.

We had been ordered not to engage the enemy by Kita, but seeing as she was not present, blatant disregard for the command structure won out over patience and diplomacy, and so we attacked the camp. I sent a troop of attack dogs in with Kenya and Trigon to harass the enemy while also shooting down threats from the shroud of my native shadow. To our great surprise and endless amusement, everyone but the posted watchman (who was swiftly incapacitated and pinned to a tree) was sleeping in tents. The best thing about tents is that they restrict one’s ability to fight, see anything, or move at all, while offering absolutely no protection of any kind from any outside attack. We went for the tent of the old man that seemed to be the leader first, knocking it down around his ears and stabbing in with various pointed objects, and we followed up with the rest of the helpless fish-in-a-barrel.

All-in-all, it would have been an incredibly successful venture, as nearly no damage was inflicted upon us in this incredibly one-sided event that some might laughingly call a fight. Unfortunately, our mission of taking candy from some particularly incompetent babies was interrupted when we beat a helpless old man to death like true heroes, and he refused to show us the common courtesy of dropping dead at our feat. Instead, he was spirited away with all personal items by some stupid beam thing. This happened again as we moved to kill off the rest of the party, and they seem to have been saved and moved to a new location by a mysterious force. Nothing was left to loot but the hilariously useless tents and some non-magical broken glass, which Keyna insisted on cutting herself with repeatedly, because glass is shiny and she is dumb. We also learned absolutely nothing from the experience, other than that not following orders from Kita always turns out really awesome for everyone and couldn’t possibly ever have any downsides at all.

Ah well, I’m sure things will all resolve themselves eventually. Also, I’m never sleeping in a tent again.

Too fast too furious
Hamilicar's Log: Entry 3,744,500

Auto-Recorded Mental Log: Entry 2,545,210
To be honest I don’t really recall what happened. One moment the two strangers I was traveling with were about to be slaughtered in the most embarrassing fashion, by having their central processing units forcibly removed from their power supply, and the next minute we were all free, and I had pushed our captors off the needlessly high podium.

Indeed life is strange.

Awards for the Day:
MVP: The Gender Confused Savior, Kita
Most Stylish: Myself for, well, getting rid of two guards before they knew what hit them
Most Ridiculous: Harold, for summoning more dogs than necessary.
Most Distressingly Embarrassing: Kenya Keyna, for pausing however briefly to consider unbinding himself herself by releasing the guillotine, without realizing the consequences of suddenly being forced to become left handed.

Everything Goes Wrong

An excerpt from Samuel’s Epic The Survivor’s

Book IV

As daylight streamed through the southern forest,
The few survivors safe held no knowledge
Of dire events previously occurred.
And so Kita of the North stood and spoke,
“Go Forth Harold Saxon and free our friends
From the city of grandeur and of fools.
Bring them through stealth past the southernmost wall
While I wait with the princess safe secured.”
In agreement Saxon of Shadows left.
Unnoticed he entered with knightly gait.
The city grand bustled with guards and fools.
He looked circle in hopes of their presence,
But they were nowhere to be found or sensed.
Then through great insight or epiphany
Harold Saxon realized their wretched state
And set forth to the jail in kingly form.
Unprovoked he entered the doom-filled jail
But, as his step crossed the threshold, he changed.
Where once kingly form there was now darkness.
And with disguise lost the Shadow ran to
Find strong friends lost among unnumbered cells.
However, he found himself surrounded
By guards strong in number and increasing.
Saxon fought valiantly but was suppressed,
And as the guards dragged Saxon off he spoke,
“Herp Derp Herr Derr Derp Herp Derp Herr Herr Derr.”*
So the heroes all behind metal placed
To wait their time until another day
Sat in sad shadows without any hope.

  • An ancient phrase that roughly translates to “You may have captured me but that does not prove your worth.”
Episode III: The Return of the Shit
Things don't go entirely as expected

From the Desk of Keyna

Dear Diary,
After rescuing the Princess, Mayor Trægohn, Saxton and I followed North/Kita/Dianne back to the Enclave’s shack. North stayed outside because (s)he had to go do something or something. Anyway, we go in, and I wait for the changeling lady to come out. After 10 minutes, I look at something other than the place where she was last time, and she appears, criticizing us for wasting time (+ 1 Troll). She then tells us we will need to take the Princess South, where she can be brought to a safe, off-continent location by the Enclave. She then gives the Princess some armor, which she promises to use in combat to help us. Kita (apparently that is her real name) will accompany us. After asking stupid questions (or ones I don’t remember) we leave. Kita is nowhere to be seen, but an old man is waiting outside the building. I assume him to be Kita, and explain what happened in the shack. After spilling the beans, Kita walks up behind me and asks what I am doing (+ 1 Troll).

After much deliberation and thoughtful planning, we decided to use Mayor Tri-Gon Jinn’s Portable Hole to hold Phoebe while Kita and Saxton shapeshift and exit the town. Saxton will release the Princess in the southern forest, where they will stay the night. Saxton will then return and take Mayor Tré’gone and I in the morning. For now, we are staying the night on the streets to avoid detection. We decided to sit next to a hobo (and a very smelly one at that) so as to blend in.

Dear Diary,
Things have gone downhill since my last entry. A few guards walked up to the hobo we sat next to, disgusted by his smell, and recognized him as the Shit Lord (he had a name that I can’t recall), a notorious criminal. The guards arrested him and, thinking us to be with him, asked us to come with them for questioning. At Mayor Try-hard’s urging, we resisted arrest, which only angered the guards. They arrested us by force, and took us into the jail, which had an inconvenient anti-magic field. We were then striped of our weapons and brought to the King, who asked us where the Princess was. After I refused to answer, Mayor Triangle happily informed the King of her whereabouts. We were then cast into separate jail cells, in one of which I now sit and write this entry.
It seems the Enclave is our only hope now. I doubt that Saxton would care if we were gone, and even if he did, I doubt he could break us out. If this is my last entry, let it be known that I die a woman who has lost nearly everything. My family, my friends, my belongings… and soon, my life. But no one can take my Gift from me. Well, except for bullshit anti-magic fields.

Events Partially Unfold
Saxon's journal

Through the magic of plot convenience, we arrived in the capital city after a few days of travel that didn’t take us through the countryside and during which we encountered no people or events whatsoever. We came bursting with the desire to warn someone about the unstoppable invasion force and magic nukes that leveled the city we were in. Unfortunately, the people in this city are sheep. No one wanted to listen to us until we were taken to the king. It is absolutely critical to know that the path from the gate to the king’s chambers led through a marketplace, through a large antechamber with a very important chandelier, and past a dining hall. Once this path was traversed, we entered a room with a powerful anti-magic bubble (lame) and tons of guards facing inwards at King Oen, who is a huge jerk, and Princess Phoebe, who is barely noticeable until it becomes convenient. Before listening to much of anything we had say, the King sentenced us all summarily to death. Everyone in the room seemed oddly unconcerned with their impending doom at the hand of an unknown power that can level entire cities, and the guards moved to kill us. Princess Phoebe spoke up against that, and her request was granted. Unfortunately, being granted requests by the king is punishable by death in this kingdom, so she was taken to be executed. We are kicked out over our protests, and just as I suggest that we “screw the princess and leave this stupid city” the guard that brought us to the castle shows up to see if we will help the princess, and by allowing my statement to be interpreted literally, we are provided with tacit motivation to do so (even Keyna, whose sexuality is thus called strongly into question).

We are then taken to a shack in the slums where the guard, whose name is North, abandons us and tells us to wait. While we wait, mayor Traigon hides in the shadows, and I shapeshift to look like North before taking five minutes to summon my eidolon. A mysterious and totally suspicious-acting woman shows up midway through and sees through my disguise and Traigon’s hiding, but I continue my ritual anyway to piss her off, because she left us waiting and time is obviously not as precious to her as she claims. She tells us that she is a criminal of some undisclosed kind (perhaps a rapist, as suggested by Traigon) in the service of the Enclave, an organization not subsidized in the criminal guilds and not known by anyone.

Upon leaving this woman, the first thing attempted was to yell really loudly in the streets about the Enclave and how it is a criminal organization based in this shack, but a spell of silence was cast on the entire party and all affiliated summoned creatures to prevent any form of disclosure about the Enclave. The second thing attempted was a complex masquerade of fake prisoners and my fake death involving my shapeshifting into a guard alongside North, who has returned, and much bluffing. This works most of the way, but the last guards in front of the cell that we want to bust into are suspicious and attack us. We kill them in a long and conspicuous battle that somehow does not draw the attention of every other guard in this prison complex or any of the prisoners. When we rescue the princess, North shapeshifts (that was my trick! copycat) into a noblewoman, and then a female changeling (different from that other inexplicable female changeling that helped me before) who may either be Dianne or Kita or some third thing, because Traigon and I no longer trust him/her/it at all and are extremely suspicious about this whole “enclave” business as well. We take a secret exit out. Now is the time that I stop trusting anyone and start assuming that anyone who ever offers to help me in any way is a changeling. Maybe this Traigon and Keyna are changelings too. There is literally no amount of evidence that will be sufficient to prove otherwise.

Or maybe this is all a shadow diamond-induced hallucination and I’m still in the shadow plane having a diseased fantasy about aggravating unexplained events. It is a little known fact that the state of being high on shadow diamonds is indistinguishable from the impression of having an epic adventure with people from different races that you’ve never seen before on another plane of existence.

First Impact
Hamilicar's Log: Entry 3,743,706

Auto-Recorded Mental Log: Entry 2,544,586

What a time to be away from Caravel. Within the 1st month as mayor of this new town, we’ve had a homicide rate of 99.9999%. Delightful.

All stories start from the beginning though, and to whomever it may concern who eventually reads this mental log, best of luck to you in trying to find any sort of cohesiveness or consistency in what I perceive to come.

For me, it began when the King declared an mayorial (that’s a word?) exchange between the ports of Caravel and Griffendale. The mayor of Griffendale, the incompetent drunkard Zazi, had, needless to say, handled the city’s affairs poorly, and as such I was called in to take over while he became the puppet mayor of Caravel (2 days into the job he was promptly impeached for being too damn high, and a noble replaced him). For awhile, things were going well. Taxes were lowered, the thieving industry was subsidized, and a new flood evacuation system was devised. That being said, a storm was brewing.

Prior to the disaster, I had reluctantly asked a fortune teller if damage could be avoided, to which I got a resounding yes. But having experienced the disaster first hand, I can now safely call utter BS on that.

It came suddenly, just as the evacuation signal was about to be uttered, the hurricane launched massive blasts of weird dark magic, energy, jawn, which defied all laws of physics and one-shotted the tower which was city hall. Zazi hired a crappy architect by the way. As the tower fell, I ducked and covered (given that there isn’t much you can do) and found myself alive and unconscious after a 50 ft fall.

Now this satyr-woman thing (she calls herself a piper) named Kenya Keyna was at the time making a living, as a wholesome cross-dressing skank thief. However, when city hall fell, the populous went into a mass panic. She went to the newly constructed (and untested) tunnel system, with the rest of the populous instead of intelligently making way towards the wide open main gates. As per Murphy’s law, the walls that sealed off the tunnel were destroyed by the total BS magic sentient storm thing and it’s black lizard minions, whom during the invasion were slaughtering everyone and scarcely being stopped by the incompetent undermanned and inexperienced guards. After somehow surviving the massive wall of water, she ended in a weird cave thingy.

Meanwhile, the other person I’m now traveling with, Harold Saxon, was conducting a black market deal (I didn’t subsidize drugs yet unfortunately). After stumbling through initial negotiations, he struck a deal and as he went to deliver the goods, the calamity struck. The not so incompetent guards and him were able to escape from the city . However, as he fled he met a drow (reminds me of a certain crazy woman) who coincidentally led him away from the group of guards and conveniently towards the cave Keyna arrived at. And with good reason, as right afterwards a nuke magical BS bomb exploded and destroyed everything outside of the city (we should have practiced reverse evacuation). The drow gave Saxon a sack, and told him to place it’s contents on the gem inside.

Now back to me. I awoke inexplicably healed but ready to be tortured to death by the sadistic black people invaders. As they tried to pull my body limb from limb, something plox hax worthy happened. Harold and Keyna had met up and followed the instructions of the Drow, and upon placing the head, I was teleported from my position of doom and into the presence of the other 2.

Now we journey towards the capital to warn the army about the destruction. 3 horses conveniently arrived with all of our equipment, and as I gallop ready to begin this quest, I cannot help but shudder of what the god, Mark, Mutterer of the Mist, has in store. Rage against the heavens and the illogical properties of magic, and may the laws of physics eventually apply in the future.

End log

Welcome to your Adventure Log!
A blog for your campaign

Every campaign gets an Adventure Log, a blog for your adventures!

While the wiki is great for organizing your campaign world, it’s not the best way to chronicle your adventures. For that purpose, you need a blog!

The Adventure Log will allow you to chronologically order the happenings of your campaign. It serves as the record of what has passed. After each gaming session, come to the Adventure Log and write up what happened. In time, it will grow into a great story!

Best of all, each Adventure Log post is also a wiki page! You can link back and forth with your wiki, characters, and so forth as you wish.

One final tip: Before you jump in and try to write up the entire history for your campaign, take a deep breath. Rather than spending days writing and getting exhausted, I would suggest writing a quick “Story So Far” with only a summary. Then, get back to gaming! Grow your Adventure Log over time, rather than all at once.


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